I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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