she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
