Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
