Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
