fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Welp...herpes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
