I just threw up on my dentist
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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