They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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