Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
