I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
