i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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