ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
