the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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