Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
