i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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