Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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