The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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