I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
