is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
