I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
