I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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