She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
