she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She announced her abortion via fbk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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