He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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