SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
