And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
