i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
