3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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