Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
