Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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