Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
