ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
