What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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