I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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