oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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