It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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