trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
