If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.