Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN