remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.