miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
