Are we in a gay sports bar?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Houston, we have a blender
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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