Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
