Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
