Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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