i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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