Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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