highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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