Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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