The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
