The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
