I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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