Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
