My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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