Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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