he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
