if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
