we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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