I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
