Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
