Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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