dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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