I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
