I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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